The Hat.................. Continued Part 2

A very good friend and caseworker, for most of our adopted children, would often come to my door, for those frequent "visitations" and "home checks".  I cherished the time we spent talking and I really respected the fact that she listened to me vent and mumble through the challenges that lay before me.  Our visits could quickly turn to me venting and sharing my concerns. I had no answers, no guarantees, and no game plan for our future.  I remember her using an analogy of the onion and it's many parts. 

 She would remind me how you had to peel away at the layers to get to the core, and that was much like what we had to do with these young girls.  In time and patience, we have had to slowly allow the past layers, to be peeled away and find that core.  Never an easy task, yet the only way to approach our situation and survive.

Slowly but surely the layers have been peeling away the last five years.  I have wonderful friends in my life, who have stepped out of the box to help.  Encouragement for the days we wanted to quit, prayers to know when and how to handle obstacles, and a few who have stepped into the "relationship ring" and really connected with the girls and have made life time impacts on their little souls.  I am so grateful for the many doors God opened and how he has led this course even in the darkest moments and when my flesh wanted to quit.

THE HAT....
This past weekend, two of my daughters and I, went to the mall shopping.  At times this can be a joyous bonding experience and we have had our days of disaster when I come home feeling sorry for myself, and I just want to tear out my hair.  This day was a true delight as I walked Megan through the clothing store.  Usually her input is less or she may want to focus her thoughts in "other" areas.  She walked through the store with confidence and no fear, her conversation was in tune with ours and she had a genuine interest in being a six- year-old little girl.  These moments always have my head spinning on cloud nine and I am humbled in gratitude to God for his grace and goodness.  There were so many times, I never knew if I would be able to share these types of mommy/daughter moments with her.  She has spent many days of her little life paralyzed in fear and social settings can be very unpredictable.

 As we walked past this rack she stopped dead in her tracks and looked up,  she noticed a bright pink hat sitting up beyond her reach.  I looked her in the eyes and said "Do you want to wear this?".  The smile and the nod were worth a million bucks, and I took the hat down and put it on her head.  Her whole body shook and she smiled from ear to ear.  "Megan, do you like this hat?  Would you like to have it?" she couldn't really answer me at first.  Her head just nodded.

These are the moments when I look at my children and say without a doubt, I wouldn't want things to be any different then they are right now in the moment. I will take the good with the bad and press on.  We will press on.  

When I see Megan wearing that pink hat around the house daily, I see a free spirit with much life to live and an ability to live and reach others in the years to come. I am finding renewed faith that God is our hope and restoration.   And there are other "moments" like this that come up here and there.  I need to remember to keep myself in tune with these moments so I can see the light of God's goodness right in front of me.  If we are to busy, we can easily miss these moments. 

 

"Even the trees of the field are singing it and the girl with the shielded heart, she could turn-

Her mother, her sisters, some could hardly sing for the lump of love in the throat, but they, they could raise hands with the sisterhood, the sisterhood beckoning one girl back to the song of who she was and the circle of love that longed to enfold her again...

And they will tell you,that's when you hear it-

the girl, the father's daughter, her voice warbling like a rising, her voice singing like a brave winging, and they could see her coming, could see the girl coming, remembering the notes of her song, remembering who her father made her to be, remembering who she was and Whose she was, and how she ran like she was made to fly. "

~ Ann Voscamp