It Wasn't God's Time.................

Life was sooo comfortable, to comfortable for me!

January 4, 2012
Our family was cute, a nice even four kiddos, buddy for buddy, aged close together (which I love!) , the red minivan was working out....but my heart was not settled.  After being in the courthouse sitting for hearing after hearing I had seen so much brokenness and heartache.  I knew there had to be another child in need of a home.  As I spent my morning quiet time with God my heart lay heavy with the knowledge that four kids was not the number for us.  I wasn't sure how God would move but the spiritual prompting was hard to contain...  One thing I can testify to is the Anguish I have for the fatherless children in our midst.  I was sure there was a "hope and future" for another child being welcomed into our home.

In the summer of 2009 we got word that a sibling to one of our children was going to be born early 2010.  When there is a blood relationship between children they will try to keep those children together.  We got our hopes up that soon there would be a baby filling a crib in our home.  We didn't tell the kids but between Mike and I we were ready for this child. Mike and I started planning an addition to our existing home and were in a pursuit for a larger vehicle.  We would take in this baby and our family would be complete with three girls and two boys.  We always wanted five kids.  Preparation was made, and in that fall of 2009 my husband broke ground and built an addition onto our home.  We worked hard to prepare and in March we waited for the call...............................
we waited for the call..........................
we waited for the call..........................
The call never came.  The ride to the hospital to hold the baby?  It never happened.  The child went home to his parents.  I didn't feel the circumstances were what they should have been....what a pain to swallow.  I felt like I had just miscarried.  The crib was set up, it stood empty.  The outfits that had been washed and folded sat next to the crib.  The blanket I had bought for this baby was laying unused.  The truth was there was no baby.  My heart was ready and willing but it wasn't time.  It wasn't God's time.  God did not allow for my will to prevail.  The changing table sat unused.  I had four beautiful blessings in front of me, yet the fifth was not there.  We had prepared. We were ready to make all the sacrifices and serve.  We were willing to take on the nightly feedings and dirty diapers....God why?  It wasn't God's time.

We knew the child was not in a safe environment yet our hands were tied.  But, my lips weren't duct taped shut.  I spent the following months seeking the Lord's face as I cried out and prayed for this child even though he was not to be mine........It wasn't God's time.